Cult-Like Obsessions

Cult-Like Obsessions
Originally uploaded by duckydale.

I’m officially announcing that I’ve joined not one, but two cults in my adult life. If there is a meteor I’m supposed to worship, I don’t trust it. If there are white shoes, toga’s, and long hair in my future, I don’t trust it. If I’m in a warehouse in the Texas heat, I don’t trust it. If I’m friends with a man with a swastika carved into his forehead, I don’t trust it. If it comes with a white cup, a green logo of a mermaid, and overly ridiculous prices I TRUST IT baby!

Starbucks is my temple and I bow down and pray daily! From the snappy tunes to the snazzy all-black outfits I feel a part of the group. I understand the lingo as long as it may be. I understand the need for their uniformity and togetherness. I understand that once they’ve wrapped their foamy hands around you, there is no turning back. I’d shoot Jodie Foster for them. Lincoln, Kennedy, Nixon, Reagan you’re all just obstacles in my way to a Venti Non-Fat No Water Chai.

If the prices are remarkably low, affordable for all… I don’t trust it. If it involves windows, I avoid it. If generic and purchased in any Costco, I don’t trust it! If it’s white, simple, and punchy in design with an Apple logo… I TRUST IT! Apple is the alter to which I sacrifice paychecks. I’m a marketing executive’s favorite person and I can’t help it. Is there a support group? There is, Apple Care! Are there twelve steps? No, but there are twelve versions of the same product you just purchased coming out in the next month but they won’t clue you in so you just wasted money! That’s okay, its shiny and spectacularly designed… I don’t mind. I’m an addict.