"Firefly" Marathon

So the Coolidge had a “Firefly” marathon this past weekend, showing all 14 episodes of the great show in preparation for the big screen version, Serenity which opens Friday the 30th! No, I didn’t have to work all night, nor did I have to stay all night with the crew of Browncoats that assembled before hand.

They began arriving Friday night at 11pm, too bad the marathon wasn’t until Saturday night! The six people that arrived first on Friday (one in a Serenity shirt) were very understanding and actually laughed at their retarded gaff. Then came a big fat semi-Hagrid-like man with a grocery bag full of goodies and a “Lost in Space” t-shirt. He bumbled into the lobby after studying the sign on the door clearly stating the marathon was Saturday; I don’t think the coke bottles on his eyes were working because he read that sign about 20 times… amp on up to telescopic buddy – those obviously are not working! He then came in and we confirmed his fears! He was pissed and bewildered. He left. Thirty seconds later he comes back in and starts screaming about how he called on Monday and the person he spoke with confirmed that the marathon was Saturday morning not Sunday morning at Midnight… stormed out again. That is quite possible because honestly some of the people at the theatre could get confused… some don’t know what all the states are or even which countries are which – love them all dearly but it’s true… He came back for another round to which none of us said a word because we now had all the lights in the theatre off and our bags ready; we just stared as he stomped and snickered and stormed out again. What the heck?

Then Saturday night we knew he would come back even though he basically said he’d never set foot in the place again – the power of Joss Whedon was obviously too strong because as Jillian and I were in Booksmith looking for the Martha Stewart Halloween book he came bumbling into the bookstore same outfit, same bag of body parts or glutton of food. We laughed, pointed, gave him a wedgie and left. Kidding, we just were hoping he wouldn’t kill us all because for real, he’s scary serial killer crazy.

About 150-175 people came for the 12 hour marathon which even included Chinese buffet. I’m sorry but Chinese food at 3 in the morning just sounds disgusting! Can you imagine crazy “Lost in Space” eating lo mein in a dark theatre? It’s seriously like Lecter eating intestines or something. The first set of what would eventually be a lot of female fans arrived and lined up about 9:30pm. For 2.5 hours, in an unseasonably cool evening the line grew and grew. A group of college kids came in wearing suits, each wearing blue rubber gloves, it was a bit creepy looking. Jillian with no shame at all (that’s why I love her) just blurts out… “What’s with the gloves?” In unison they chant “Two by Two gloves of blue…” Jillian just looks at me (as I’ve seen the show)… I had no fucking clue what Dungeons and Dragons were carrying on about. They went on to laugh at my obvious lack of geekdom and memorization of all things “Firefly” before getting in line outside. Um, okay… you’re the ones dressed up like funeral directors wearing blue gloves… and I’m the geek, right.

Oh then came Somerville Bus Lady who actually began to cry when she realized she would have to pay $15 for the marathon. See, originally it was going to be “donation” only – then they switched it because they were going to be getting a ton of overnight parking passes ($5 a pop) and the Chinese buffet… the donation became admission and you had to pay. She (of like 40 years old) honestly almost came to tears because she only has $5 to her name and she had to take the bus all the way from Somerville (a normal commute for anyone going anywhere in the city) and she loves “Firefly” and if she can’t see it she’ll just die and she doesn’t have enough to get back home on the bus… pathetic. Okay, granted it originally was listed as a donation but then was changed about a week or so in advance. She was allowed in for free in the end but I just thought her display was disgusting. She even began writing a check and as she’s filling it out said, “this will bounce anyway” to which Jillian said, “You know, twunt… if that bounces it’s going to cost like $50 not the $15 you could pay now…” Weeping, sobbing, hair pulling… she got in for free! Made me sick.

I’ve yet to talk to someone who stayed all night, but I would be intrigued to see how it went. Did anyone choke on lo mein? Did anyone break their neck in the back of the theatre because someone who shall remain nameless insisted the dim lights in back be turned off so that you honestly couldn’t see a thing. Jillian, your pratfall through the metal signs during the first episode (to illustrate a point) made my week! A true piece of comedy genius! I mean, isn’t that like a fire hazard or something? You couldn’t see a foot in front of you and there are 150 people camped out in there… not so safe but who am I to say?

SERENITY NOW!