Look Kids... F*&k SH!T C@c&

Look what the coolidge made the mistake of throwing up on their website. Notice what Saturday's Kids Program is!!! GENIUS!

Apple's Newest Ad

created by Jillian Maryonovich
from the Operation Dreamland poster

If Joss Whedon Calls, I'm Not Here!

I forgot to mention in my previous blog that while the geeks, er... Browncoats were lined up, Joss Whedon phoned the theatre to talk to me. Jillian took the call, informed him I was unavailable and took his number and a message. She then got on the Burger King microphone in our old ticket window which echoes through the alley where the throngs of Browncoats were anxiously waiting like Ty Pennington on a megaphone and informed me Joss had called, that it was J-O-S-S and his number was ... I snorted my drink, Browncoats knocked each other over and stabbed each other with pens as they tried to write down the digits... We all laughed and between you and me, I think one of the Browncoats left a little Brownsleeve on the sidewalk because he thought we were serious! "Mommy, I pooped my pants!"

"Firefly" Marathon

So the Coolidge had a “Firefly” marathon this past weekend, showing all 14 episodes of the great show in preparation for the big screen version, Serenity which opens Friday the 30th! No, I didn’t have to work all night, nor did I have to stay all night with the crew of Browncoats that assembled before hand.

They began arriving Friday night at 11pm, too bad the marathon wasn’t until Saturday night! The six people that arrived first on Friday (one in a Serenity shirt) were very understanding and actually laughed at their retarded gaff. Then came a big fat semi-Hagrid-like man with a grocery bag full of goodies and a “Lost in Space” t-shirt. He bumbled into the lobby after studying the sign on the door clearly stating the marathon was Saturday; I don’t think the coke bottles on his eyes were working because he read that sign about 20 times… amp on up to telescopic buddy – those obviously are not working! He then came in and we confirmed his fears! He was pissed and bewildered. He left. Thirty seconds later he comes back in and starts screaming about how he called on Monday and the person he spoke with confirmed that the marathon was Saturday morning not Sunday morning at Midnight… stormed out again. That is quite possible because honestly some of the people at the theatre could get confused… some don’t know what all the states are or even which countries are which – love them all dearly but it’s true… He came back for another round to which none of us said a word because we now had all the lights in the theatre off and our bags ready; we just stared as he stomped and snickered and stormed out again. What the heck?

Then Saturday night we knew he would come back even though he basically said he’d never set foot in the place again – the power of Joss Whedon was obviously too strong because as Jillian and I were in Booksmith looking for the Martha Stewart Halloween book he came bumbling into the bookstore same outfit, same bag of body parts or glutton of food. We laughed, pointed, gave him a wedgie and left. Kidding, we just were hoping he wouldn’t kill us all because for real, he’s scary serial killer crazy.

About 150-175 people came for the 12 hour marathon which even included Chinese buffet. I’m sorry but Chinese food at 3 in the morning just sounds disgusting! Can you imagine crazy “Lost in Space” eating lo mein in a dark theatre? It’s seriously like Lecter eating intestines or something. The first set of what would eventually be a lot of female fans arrived and lined up about 9:30pm. For 2.5 hours, in an unseasonably cool evening the line grew and grew. A group of college kids came in wearing suits, each wearing blue rubber gloves, it was a bit creepy looking. Jillian with no shame at all (that’s why I love her) just blurts out… “What’s with the gloves?” In unison they chant “Two by Two gloves of blue…” Jillian just looks at me (as I’ve seen the show)… I had no fucking clue what Dungeons and Dragons were carrying on about. They went on to laugh at my obvious lack of geekdom and memorization of all things “Firefly” before getting in line outside. Um, okay… you’re the ones dressed up like funeral directors wearing blue gloves… and I’m the geek, right.

Oh then came Somerville Bus Lady who actually began to cry when she realized she would have to pay $15 for the marathon. See, originally it was going to be “donation” only – then they switched it because they were going to be getting a ton of overnight parking passes ($5 a pop) and the Chinese buffet… the donation became admission and you had to pay. She (of like 40 years old) honestly almost came to tears because she only has $5 to her name and she had to take the bus all the way from Somerville (a normal commute for anyone going anywhere in the city) and she loves “Firefly” and if she can’t see it she’ll just die and she doesn’t have enough to get back home on the bus… pathetic. Okay, granted it originally was listed as a donation but then was changed about a week or so in advance. She was allowed in for free in the end but I just thought her display was disgusting. She even began writing a check and as she’s filling it out said, “this will bounce anyway” to which Jillian said, “You know, twunt… if that bounces it’s going to cost like $50 not the $15 you could pay now…” Weeping, sobbing, hair pulling… she got in for free! Made me sick.

I’ve yet to talk to someone who stayed all night, but I would be intrigued to see how it went. Did anyone choke on lo mein? Did anyone break their neck in the back of the theatre because someone who shall remain nameless insisted the dim lights in back be turned off so that you honestly couldn’t see a thing. Jillian, your pratfall through the metal signs during the first episode (to illustrate a point) made my week! A true piece of comedy genius! I mean, isn’t that like a fire hazard or something? You couldn’t see a foot in front of you and there are 150 people camped out in there… not so safe but who am I to say?

SERENITY NOW!

Unbelievable Harry Potter "Goblet" Preview (click here)

This morning, a brand new and almost orgasmic preview of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was released. I cannot wait two months to see this installment, it looks amazing! The link above is for Quicktime.

Gay Marriage - Constitutional Convention Round 2 TODAY!

Today the Massachusetts Constitutional Convention reconveens to try and ban gay marriage once again in Massachusetts. At 1pm today lawmakers will once again vote (as they did last year and won Round 1) to ban gay marriage. A vote to ban gay marriage today will then put the initiative on the ballot in 2006 allowing the people to vote which would then put into question the over 6,000 marriages performed and recognized today in Massachusetts. Early indications are that this time, the vote will not pass - that many of those who voted to ban marriage last year have changed their vote since. One can only hope. For more information click here.

I Got The Power - Wendy the Retard!

So I almost fell out of the shower this morning when Howard Stern came back from commercial with a musical masterpiece. He mixed Wendy the Retard's call from last year when they lost power in Florida and she kept calling Howard and leaving voicemail messages saying "I need power... I need friggin power god damnit!" So they played the lovely late 80's dance genius by Snap with Wendy's voice screaming "I NEED POWER!" instead of "I GOT THE POWER" and it was fucking brilliant!!!!

PS - does anyone else think Wendy sounds like Timmy from South Park when she starts yelling? "WENDY!"

Kicking and Screaming - Kickball Begins!

I haven’t really told many people, but Jon started a kickball team for the Minutemen Division of the World Adult Kickball Association (WAKA). I know, right? Kickball – are you fucking serious. Oh I am folks and I am damn good - you don’t know!

Our team is called KICKING AND SCREAMING and consists of 25 players – of which 24 have some association or relation (Leslie Ellis School and spouses or friends) and 1 outsider who hopefully won’t feel too out of place while I’m kicking some ass out on the field!

We play for 8 weeks in Somerville and then we have 2 weeks of playoffs. It’s going to be hysterical out there. This is not some group of spry 21 year olds, I would say our average age is a good 33 and most of us have not played a sport in 20 years if we’ve played one ever! But, we do have some super sporty guys. Andy is a footy player from the Outback. John K. currently plays on a softball league and I’m pretty sure Pete and one of the other John’s is uber-sporty – they’ll be the hard asses… I expect one if not all of them to defend my honor at some point this season. God knows my big mouth will more than likely cause one fracas.

I created a website for the team, so please head on over and check it out. Right now, there is not much content, but as the season kicks off tonight, there will be pictures and bios and stats and our team standing within the league so please come back for updates!

If you’d like to come see us play, please check out the schedule page for dates and times. There will also be directions to the field so you don’t get lost along the way!

Oh my god, I’m playing an organized sport.

Bush - Clinton Hurrican Relief

So is it just me or do you find it funny that President Bush has to go to two former Presidents to plea for assistance with the Hurricane Katrina relief efforts? This makes the second time this year that Presidents Bush (Sr.) and Clinton (love ya) have joined forces to call on the global relief effort. Is this because Bushy knows he has a horrible reputation both stateside and internationally? Does he call upon his father and Clinton knowing they had better international relations because he's an ineffective communicator, fundraiser, leader, and humanitarian? Just thoughts...